This is long, so brace yourself (so is the issue). What’s new.
Why Don Johnson sucks and Magnum rocks, and the confounding question of heliotrope vs garlic (see Henry James, our back cover).
Magnum’s Hawaiian shirts and tight ass shorts may be out of style—but no matter what year, whatever bad movie, series, or “other” Don Johnson vehicle, his sleeves are always rolled up—whether he is wearing a tee-shirt, sports jacket, or Madras shirt, and whether it’s ‘78, ‘84, or 2000.
Magnum = Ferrari: Let’s get this straight—this is the first time that a foreign car is used in an American TV series, and every time he pulls away from Higgins or a Divorceé, the theme song plays. (Composer name). Even when he has amnesia or “that little feeling”. Magnum, and let’s understand, Robin Master’s Ferrari, have been resurrected by A & E. 11:00 & 5:00 daily.
In god knows what, Don Johnson, the character, always has a vintage American car that becomes the new “resurrection” mobile—completely unavailable and unaffordable to a person of his character’s tax bracket—and he is immediately seen driving illicitly to someone half his age’s house either from Baywatch, Party of Five, or better yet, the namesake for the long forgotten 1/2 hr ‘80s soap Ryan’s Hope. Music provided. Do you remember the Miami Vice theme song much less that to Nash Bridges? Nash Bridges is now a nightly staple of the USA network.
Reruns. It’s so weird when they rerun things before they are even old—not old—but historic. Somehow Don Johnson is never old or historic—he is a fossil getting remarried to Melanie Griffith, Tippi Hedren’s (from Hitchcock’s The Birds) daughter, and anyone else from Baywatch or Aspen. He’s the remarried fossil. But then maybe that’s gossip.
Magnum is just getting “not” married on Friends and/or some new Political TNN project probably based on gossip and/or Clinton and/or Kennedy and/or a combination of the two. Perfect for a Ted Turner production—especially post Jane.
Segue: in New York everyone rewrites their own history: Don, Magnum . . . Jesus Christ! Ashley Bickerton has been 32 since I moved to New York and I was 21 in ‘86. Seriously, it was reported in the New York Times that he is 32 from ‘87 to ‘97. I don’t get it.
Back to Magnum vs Don Johnson.
Magnum’s friends are dope. Real people who whenever something goes down, miraculously figure it out, and come to his aid. But Magnum is not real.
Don’s . . . are out fucking Antonio Banderas (need I say more). And they are real. On the cover of Paper.
Have I become a Conservative . . . nooooo.
Just a diehard (great Sears product & Willis enthusiast) Magnum fan, and Don Johnson critic . . . So, now, heliotrope or garlic—and from where the quote is derived; The Next Time. Henry James. Edda James, Olga James at the Moulin Rouge—on the cover. James—the same, but only because of a surname or even further—the type. The surname or new type “James”—not nearly anything one can recognize as yours or ours—but how about the prename: “James”. The new super model, not be confused with our historical author, blues legend, or long lost songstress, much less our two ‘80s “Super Heroes”. Names and characters. There—something about the identity of one name type and what it signifies: heliotrope or garlic (what could be the plural of heliotrope, much less, what does it mean—and the significance of its dominance over garlic?). To Tell the Truth—which contestant fools the audience vs those easily figured as impostors. Which “James” will stand up? Which Magnum? Which heliotrope?
Our curated projects stand up. Surprise, frolic, excavation, presentation. This zingmagazine does nothing its previous issues haven’t, but continues what can only be determined as, yes, a search for heliotrope or garlic. The recognition or choice is yours.
“Of course I was under the spell, and the wonderful part is that, even at the time, I perfectly knew I was.”
—Henry James, The Turn of the Screw
Devon Dikeou
New York, New York
2000
